Part I: Veronica's Life List

1. Do the biking portion of a triathlon with my friends as teammates.
2. Become a savvy estate sale shopper.
3. Teach my children the importance of respecting animals and protecting their welfare.
4. Take karate and get at least my purple belt.
5. Find a nail polish which will stay on my nails for more than a day.
6. Learn to play three songs on the guitar
7. Become well versed in fine tequilas.
8. Mentor a teen mother.
9. Remember how to use the words "lie" and "lay" correctly.
10. Do a National Lampoon style road trip with my husband and children but without most of the craziness.

Another New Beginning

So, I don't really know what's going on but I'm back up to 200 pounds. I guess I'd lost seven pounds but now I've gained five back. The only times in my life I've ever really lost weight were a) just before I was diagnosed with leukemia and was prescribed loads of "skinny" meds to fight whatever disease they thought I had; and b) when I did weight watchers and boot camp last winter. Obviously, I don't plan to repeat the first method, although at the time it was pretty nice. But last winter I really did lose 15 pounds without thinking about it much at all. It wasn't even work for me. I just had rules and formed good habits and it took all the thought out of losing weight.

My mom, who I think is 66, just got back from about 10 weeks on and off of travel and has lost 23 pounds during the time that I lost seven and gained five. That amazes me for so many reasons. First, my mom has had enough experiences and challenges with weight loss to know that fad diets do not work (for her) so I completely trust that she is simply eating in moderation and being healthy and getting daily activity. So there's no secret to it. The straight forwardness and simplicity of it all IS the secret! Second, she was travelling almost the entire time and still managed to continue to lose weight and keep it off. For me, any change in schedule is an automatic trigger for failure. At the beginning of this month I got sick (we won't mention here HOW I GOT SICK!!) and then went to Florida for three days for a conference and my whole food/gym routine was entirely thrown out of wack and it's taken me two full weeks to reclaim my control. I purposely planned not to go on vacation this winter because I've learned that about myself, but I'm starting to realize the loss of control is something I allow to happen when my routine changes. Whereas my mom must be so committed to her habits that a change in routine will not destroy her. I could be like that, no? And finally, I'm impressed because aren't older people supposed to have a slowed metabolism and a tougher time losing weight? I should be able to do this, and I should do it now because it's only going to get harder and I don't want to be a totally fat bride however vain that sounds!

Challenges: metabolism-slowing medication; full time job; partner with full time job; nobody to cook healthy meals for me; no money for boot camp/personal trainer; gym is a 12 minute drive away.

Opportunities: flexible work hours that aren't too long either; no children to take care of; partner who I get to see every day who is very supportive; gym membership; affinity for healthy food; days are getting longer; wedding in seven months; Veronica's support.

So, the way I see it, I have real challenges, but my opportunity for success outweighs those very real challenges, so...I should succeed. =)

Also, I may try to join weight watchers for six months again like I did last year because I think it did help. There's a meeting at 7:30am at the gym I just joined so that would be very convenient. Today I was done with my workout by 7am, but I could time it just right so I'd be done at 7:20 and could go right to the meeting. And I wouldn't care that much that I'd be all bloated and full of water (from drinking while working out) because it would be the same situation every week. OMG and you know what? The meetings are on my old weigh in day! Perfect. So I'll start meetings this Thursday and blog every Thursday. I will really try to do that.

Running with Hog Warts

I have been wanting to take Warren to the local zoo for ages now and finally the weather cooperated. At ten o'clock this morning, I packed up The Boo (Warren) and all of us accouterments and head to the zoo. Of course we did not have the low 60 degree weather which has been taunting me from my office window. Instead we bundled up for the high 40's. Can someone please explain why Mother Nature tortures me with beautiful temperatures during the work week only to say "HA! You think you want warm temperatures for your weekend excursions? BOOYA! You get cold!" Mother Nature totally talks that way and don't you disagree with me.

Warren appeared to enjoy the zoo and smiled at the polar bears, laughed at the ducks, and giggled with the otters. However, those experiences did not top the ultimate zoo experience: having Mommy running full speed down the ramps while Warren laughed with excitement from his stroller. I think I have a Bode Miller in the making. Nothing topped the excitement of running full speed down a handicap ramp and taking the corners at full throttle. I am sure I looked like a maniac.

Our friends and their son eventually met up with us and we did one more lap around the zoo. This time Warren insisted on pushing his stroller, backwards mind you, up the hill from the tiger exhibit past the wart hogs and on to the hyenas. His little chubby legs worked hard as he made his way up the hill, with the help of me, of course. The delight in his eyes showed as each person walking buy cheered him on and smiled.

Eventually, Warren's mood began to sour and we headed for home. I barely had the car started when I looked back and he was sound asleep. The fresh air did him well.

So although I have not been exercising with any regularly at all...okay, I haven't been exercising period, I can see laps at the zoo being a potential way of getting some fitness in without being whiny or bored about it. That's me, not Warren. And then maybe I will move on to walks by the lake and perhaps a slow jog or a bike. Or not.

Oh hello there

It has been a long time since we last spoke but oh my... Although I continue to support Niels' decision to take a sabbatical overseas, the last month has been tough. From Warren's illnesses to my illnesses (both physical and mental, to some extent) to ridiculous amounts of work to petty office bullshit, I have been hip checked, glass checked, and slammed to the ice. Thankfully, my support network has been more than great, they have been grand. Josephine came down when I need her most and took care of my sorry sick ass by watching Warren and making me delicious healing food. Numerous friends stepped in while Warren was ill and watched him as I trudged to the drudgery that is my job. My lovely and delightful parents came a week early just to cook and care for their pathetic youngest daughter who coughed and whined and just needed some extra TLC. And work. What can I say? Some people are douchebags and others are some of the most fabulous folks with whom you can work.

I think I have reached the crest and with my therapist's blessing, I have reached out to friends and enjoyed some adult time. Part of me felt guilty enjoying time away from my little love and boy did I watch the clock, think about when I would reunite with my best little guy, but at the same time, I think I bought back a little sanity.

Poor Warren has suffered the sniffles and aches of toddler viruses spread easily from tyke to tyke. For many moments, I contemplated pulling him from daycare because my heart could not bear to see my boy be the slightest bit uncomfortable. We made it. He felt better and happy and when he returned to his little class on Monday morning he smiled and laughed and had no problem seeing me go. My boy is growing up. He changes so much but he is still my little love. He adores the cats and any chance he can he gives them sloppy kisses and hugs. And he hugs his stuffed animals and me and his teachers. He is one sweet boy.

And what about the purpose of this blog? Something about a decrease on my numbers? My jawline has returned, my pants are looser, and I feel pretty decent. However, I have no clue how much I weight. I know that two weeks ago the total weight loss was sixteen pounds.

Apparently not eating fistfuls of cookies really is a legitimate diet plan.

Writing Again

I haven't written in a couple of weeks because I was on the verge of feeling defeated about weight loss again. I've still been writing down everything I eat and going to the gym regularly, but I didn't want to get overly consumed by weight loss goals because I was afraid the more I focussed on it (including writing about it) the more frustrated I'd get. But at the same time I know it's important to be mindful about it almost all the time. So that was the balance I struck, but I'm feeling ok and like it's safe to write again. Tomorrow is weigh in day for me and I'll give an update then. I believe I can still hit my goal of 175 by 8 months from today --wedding day!

I'm really enjoying the gym. It's amazing to me how much I hate the idea when I'm not into the routine. But when I'm into it and my body is strong(ish) it's fun and feels good. My ipod konked so I got to get a new one. The new versions have radio so now I'm able to tune into the tv's. As much as I like going to the gym and exercising, I hate my actual gym. It's mega corporate and the staff is treated poorly. There are 7 treadmills that I really like. The dozen others are old and crappy and wobble when my MINUS 200 pounds tromps on them. (That's so strange; I'm sooo used to saying I'm 200lbs and I'm not anymore!). Of the 7 treadmills I like, 4 of them have been out of service "temporarily" for a couple of weeks. Then all of a sudden last week they stuck signs on the functional ones saying "these treadmills are designed for walking; please no running." Really?? Who the bleep designs a treadmill solely for WALKING?! Oh, and they go up to 12 miles an hour (I dunno anyone who can WALK a five minute mile. Do you?). AND they have a "run" function on them! So clearly the corporate gym just doesn't want to pay to keep repairing the garbage treadmills they purchased. And yesterday when I was there, only two of them were working. The other thing I hate about this gym is how at least once a week when I'm leaving and have to stand there at the counter waiting for the gal to retun my gym pass, which they hold hostage for the duration of my workout, she asks in her obnoxiously sweet voice "Do you have any friends who might like to join the gym?" I just tell them to have a good day, grab my pass and walk out. My feeling is: I'm here to work out, not do sales; that's their fucking job! I'm super looking forward to joining the community center gym when my two year contract to corporate city runs out April 22nd.

A Year Makes a Difference

A year ago at this time, Niels and I checked into the hospital for my cesarean section. It is amazing to believe that a whole year has passed since giving birth to Warren. And what a wonderful year it has been. I never knew what love, laughter, happiness, joy, and goodness one little boy could bring out of us. He is the light of my life. Each day I look forward to watching him grow, learn, and change. At first, I thought it would be sad to see him become a little boy, to watch him go from a toothless little infant to a smiley little boy; however, I was wrong. Each change brought new admiration in my eyes.

I am so proud of my little boy. He delights in music. Laughs at my gaffs. Loves like no other. He seems to have a greater understanding of his world than I could have ever imagined. Warren makes me want to be a better person, to grow with him.

I see the world in a new light. It cannot possibly be all negative. And I want to make everything around him beautiful and better. I wish for him to experience each day to the fullest with a smile on his face. Oh that smile. With the dimple and twinkle in his eyes. Like the Grinch, my heart grows every time I see that smile of his.

My dear boy, I love you more than words could possibly express. Happy First Birthday. You are my pride, my joy, my little man. I love you.

It's a long way away

Last Sunday Niels, Warren and I drove to Big City International Airport and sent Niels on his way for a twenty week sabbatical in Taiwan. Twenty. Whole. Weeks. Despite preparing myself emotionally, my heart broke as I watched him pass through the security gate. Because I had Warren and I had to drive over one-hundred miles home, I held myself together and only let myself cry in the car before we returned home. Fortunately, I had my dear sister and mother with whom to speak during my drive and Warren traveled like a season pro.

Thanks to Skype and our iPhones, we have been in constant communication. Warren loved seeing his daddy clap and talk to on the computer. He laughed and smiled and chatted up a storm. I felt comforted to see Niels settled into his room and ready to begin his work. Even though I miss him like mad, I am so exciting that he, that all of us, can have this experience. In just fourteen short weeks, Warren, my parents, and I will fly to Taiwan where my parents will stay for two weeks and Warren and I will help Niels finish off his sabbatical. I can't wait!

I cannot say this week has been super easy but it is not as bad as I thought it would be. After some bumps and stumbles, I found a morning schedule which appears to work for us. I have to admit, a few days I have been pretty exhausted and my concentration level is not spectacular. I think it will get better. Fortunately, Warren's former nanny, Maggie, is coming to the house twice a week to help out. And of course, Warren is such a sweet little boy so he makes everything so much better.

Now the bad new, my weight. I gain about three pounds. I am not going to beat myself up because it has been not the best week ever. I am refocused and hope to see those pounds drop again. Drop pounds drop!