Writing Again

I haven't written in a couple of weeks because I was on the verge of feeling defeated about weight loss again. I've still been writing down everything I eat and going to the gym regularly, but I didn't want to get overly consumed by weight loss goals because I was afraid the more I focussed on it (including writing about it) the more frustrated I'd get. But at the same time I know it's important to be mindful about it almost all the time. So that was the balance I struck, but I'm feeling ok and like it's safe to write again. Tomorrow is weigh in day for me and I'll give an update then. I believe I can still hit my goal of 175 by 8 months from today --wedding day!

I'm really enjoying the gym. It's amazing to me how much I hate the idea when I'm not into the routine. But when I'm into it and my body is strong(ish) it's fun and feels good. My ipod konked so I got to get a new one. The new versions have radio so now I'm able to tune into the tv's. As much as I like going to the gym and exercising, I hate my actual gym. It's mega corporate and the staff is treated poorly. There are 7 treadmills that I really like. The dozen others are old and crappy and wobble when my MINUS 200 pounds tromps on them. (That's so strange; I'm sooo used to saying I'm 200lbs and I'm not anymore!). Of the 7 treadmills I like, 4 of them have been out of service "temporarily" for a couple of weeks. Then all of a sudden last week they stuck signs on the functional ones saying "these treadmills are designed for walking; please no running." Really?? Who the bleep designs a treadmill solely for WALKING?! Oh, and they go up to 12 miles an hour (I dunno anyone who can WALK a five minute mile. Do you?). AND they have a "run" function on them! So clearly the corporate gym just doesn't want to pay to keep repairing the garbage treadmills they purchased. And yesterday when I was there, only two of them were working. The other thing I hate about this gym is how at least once a week when I'm leaving and have to stand there at the counter waiting for the gal to retun my gym pass, which they hold hostage for the duration of my workout, she asks in her obnoxiously sweet voice "Do you have any friends who might like to join the gym?" I just tell them to have a good day, grab my pass and walk out. My feeling is: I'm here to work out, not do sales; that's their fucking job! I'm super looking forward to joining the community center gym when my two year contract to corporate city runs out April 22nd.

A Year Makes a Difference

A year ago at this time, Niels and I checked into the hospital for my cesarean section. It is amazing to believe that a whole year has passed since giving birth to Warren. And what a wonderful year it has been. I never knew what love, laughter, happiness, joy, and goodness one little boy could bring out of us. He is the light of my life. Each day I look forward to watching him grow, learn, and change. At first, I thought it would be sad to see him become a little boy, to watch him go from a toothless little infant to a smiley little boy; however, I was wrong. Each change brought new admiration in my eyes.

I am so proud of my little boy. He delights in music. Laughs at my gaffs. Loves like no other. He seems to have a greater understanding of his world than I could have ever imagined. Warren makes me want to be a better person, to grow with him.

I see the world in a new light. It cannot possibly be all negative. And I want to make everything around him beautiful and better. I wish for him to experience each day to the fullest with a smile on his face. Oh that smile. With the dimple and twinkle in his eyes. Like the Grinch, my heart grows every time I see that smile of his.

My dear boy, I love you more than words could possibly express. Happy First Birthday. You are my pride, my joy, my little man. I love you.

It's a long way away

Last Sunday Niels, Warren and I drove to Big City International Airport and sent Niels on his way for a twenty week sabbatical in Taiwan. Twenty. Whole. Weeks. Despite preparing myself emotionally, my heart broke as I watched him pass through the security gate. Because I had Warren and I had to drive over one-hundred miles home, I held myself together and only let myself cry in the car before we returned home. Fortunately, I had my dear sister and mother with whom to speak during my drive and Warren traveled like a season pro.

Thanks to Skype and our iPhones, we have been in constant communication. Warren loved seeing his daddy clap and talk to on the computer. He laughed and smiled and chatted up a storm. I felt comforted to see Niels settled into his room and ready to begin his work. Even though I miss him like mad, I am so exciting that he, that all of us, can have this experience. In just fourteen short weeks, Warren, my parents, and I will fly to Taiwan where my parents will stay for two weeks and Warren and I will help Niels finish off his sabbatical. I can't wait!

I cannot say this week has been super easy but it is not as bad as I thought it would be. After some bumps and stumbles, I found a morning schedule which appears to work for us. I have to admit, a few days I have been pretty exhausted and my concentration level is not spectacular. I think it will get better. Fortunately, Warren's former nanny, Maggie, is coming to the house twice a week to help out. And of course, Warren is such a sweet little boy so he makes everything so much better.

Now the bad new, my weight. I gain about three pounds. I am not going to beat myself up because it has been not the best week ever. I am refocused and hope to see those pounds drop again. Drop pounds drop!

Weigh In

197 lbs.