Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Day of Reckoning

194. There, I said it. I weigh 194 pounds. I did not bother to take my measurements because I know they will be equally atrocious. Besides being pregnant with Warren, I have never ever weighed this much. I am fat, obese, overweight, a lard bummed fatster. I could use the excuses like I ate too much because of the holidays or because Niels is leaving for five months or I have been having a not so pleasant bout of depression and anxiety or I had a baby but honestly, why bother? Excuses will not get me anywhere. I mean honestly, plenty of other folks face all sorts of adversity but do they pig out? No! So why should I be so special that I do?

Yesterday I began eating healthily. Even at Wegman's Grocery Store where greasy Chinese food invited me just a little closer for one small taste. I resisted! Instead, I stayed at the salad bar, examined the serving size, calories and assorted numbers, and ate in moderation. I stuck with the food I packed in my lunch and enjoyed eating healthy. I took small bites and really chewed my food. Also, I am using an application on my iPhone called Lose It! and I find it quite helpful because it keeps me honest. And trust me, I need someone or something to keep me honest in my battle to lose the bulk.

Besides eating well, I made my way to my fancy gym for some fancy working out. But have you ever felt like everywhere you turned you were surrounded by really skinny people? Or are you one of those thin people grimacing at my big white bum? Well in the locker room, everyone seemed to be that thin and that attractive. In fact, I waited for a tall, thin, attractive woman to finish her beauty routine next to the scale before I stepped on because I did not need to have her judging me in my imagination. I have to admit, I put the scale on 200 so I would feel a little better when I saw the numbers because at least I am not 5 foot 4 inches and over 200 pounds. Shallow, I know. There is a difference between being tall and over 200 and being short and over 200. Trust me on this one, there is.

Oh yeah, I did exercise. I used the elliptical machine for 20 minutes using the trainer setting where a pleasant avatar trainer told me what I great job I was doing and to slow down before I have a heart attack, fatty. Ok, he didn't say that but wouldn't it be funny if he did?

So here I am: overweight but motivated. I will do it this time. Why? Because, I have no excuses.

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